Escaping the Shame Spiral

Shame can be beneficial in some ways—like helping us feel out what might not be appropriate in social situations. For the most part, though, it is disorienting to say the least.

Shame feels like being lost, going “blank,” being overwhelmed. Eyes widen, words fail, face heats up and reddens. You want to run and hide. Shame says, “You don’t have what it takes for this moment; this is all too much for you to handle or you are too much or not enough to care for.”

Neuroscience shows us that shame actually “disintegrates” our brain function. So the different centers of the brain might be working but they are not working together. Our minds are short-circuiting. Rarely can we pull ourselves out of a “shame spiral.”

So what do we need? We need to connect with another mind. It’s like we need to borrow the integration of a compassionate person to reintegrate and reboot.

For example, you can phone an empathetic friend. Many times, you don’t even have to process the shame—just connecting can be enough.

And, guess what? Research shows that connecting with God is just as affective, and He’s always available to listen and to love.